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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241694">i'll wish full forever, i've been wishful all along</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontlookatmethanku/pseuds/dontlookatmethanku'>dontlookatmethanku</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Social Network (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chanukah, M/M, Pining, and then i wrote it anyways because i couldn't stop thinking about it, cis eduardo saverin, cis mark zuckerberg, i was listing jewish headcanons in the tsn server and was like I Will Not Write This, it was going to be fluff but i cant ever write things that are just nice so it became pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,883</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241694</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontlookatmethanku/pseuds/dontlookatmethanku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark stays at Harvard for the winter break. Eduardo stays with him, because of course he does.</p><p>also! there is a glossary of Jewish terms/cultural Christmas things at the bottom for any confused goyim :)</p><p>i made a burner ao3 account to post this. i don't want someone to find one of my riverdale fics and check my profile and find this which yes i know is a bizarre boundary for my shame to have but i have it so. burner acc.</p><p>the title is from home by modern baseball which is an excellent markwardo song</p><p>thank you to lex tsnlesbian for proofreading this!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eduardo Saverin/Mark Zuckerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll wish full forever, i've been wishful all along</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>        Mark wanted to stay at school for Winter Break. Eduardo thought it was stupid; Mark's family was lovely, not to mention <em>normal</em> (<em>not that ours isn't</em>, he caught himself thinking), but Mark had made his mind up sometime in November and wasn’t the type to go back on that sort of thing. Of course, Eduardo had decided to stay too, saying something about wanting to stay away from the clusterfuck that was the Saverin family, even though he was exaggerating as the only actually bad part of his family was his father and Mark knew that. It wasn't a choice, really. Whatever Mark did, Eduardo did too. He tried to make sure there was some exchange the other way so he could tell himself it wasn’t pathetic to follow his best friend around like a little dog, and he tried not to let it go to his head that Mark said yes to him more easily than to anyone else.</p><p>        He had to tell himself it didn't mean anything that Mark agreed to go to parties with him and spent the whole time stilted and uncomfortable until Eduardo came back to him. It had to mean nothing because if he let himself read into it he'd start to feel fucking hopeful about them, and hope was a dangerous thing. Too much hope convinced people the impossible was right there for the taking and when they grabbed for it, it wasn't all they hoped for, or worse, was what they hoped for and promptly broke. G-d*, he didn't want to break this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>        "It's Christmas," Mark said, staring at his computer, doing something Eduardo didn't understand in the slightest.</p><p>        "Yeah, Mark, I know that."</p><p>        "Oh. Okay," he typed something, then seemed to notice that it was an odd thing to bring up and just leave that hanging. "We should do something, you know, for it."</p><p>        "Mark, we're Jewish," Eduardo said, staring at him partially bewildered, partially intrigued.</p><p>        "Yeah, I know that Wardo," he realized that was also an odd thing to say. "Hey, when was Chanukah?**"</p><p>        "Oh, so you keep track of Christmas but not Chanukah?"</p><p>        "Christmas is the same day every year, asshole."</p><p>        "Huh. I feel like I should've known that. Man, I don't remember shit about shit from Hebrew school."</p><p>        "Let’s do Chanukah tonight, instead of Christmas."</p><p>        "Isn't that, like, disrespectful or something?" Eduardo said, opening a beer for himself and another for Mark.</p><p>        "Wardo, do you believe in G-d?"</p><p>        "No- I mean, I guess I don't really think about it much, so I guess not. Why, do you?"</p><p>        "No, of course not. My point is, who would we be disrespecting? Cantor Josh who coached you for your Bar Mitzvah?" Mark said, looking at Eduardo and tilting his head to the side.</p><p>        "You make a good point," He replied, handing Mark his drink. "Let’s do it."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>        "Wardo, you really didn't have to get me anything. Wait, why did you get me anything? And when?" Mark said, taking the soft blue tissue paper-wrapped package from Eduardo.</p><p>        "Well, it’s kind of funny, actually. I saw it and thought 'Oh, I should get this for Mark, for Chanukah or whatever', and so I did, and when I got home and checked when Chanukah was, and it turned out that it ended the week before. On the 7th or something. So I figured 'I'll just save it for next year' and then It turned out I didn't have to," he said, slightly embarrassed by the whole thing. It had been 50% off. That should have tipped him off.</p><p>        Mark smiled slightly and unwrapped the package delicately, hooking his finger under the tape, for some reason trying not to rip the wrapping wherever possible. Eduardo tried not to stare at his hands too hard. Mark lifted the ugly, blue knit <em>thing</em> in front of him.</p><p>        "Wardo, it’s hideous. I love it," he said, laughing and clambering into the bulky sweater. It was two shades of blue, made with huge yarn and a menorah*** design in fluorescent yellow on the front with real lights at the tops. Eduardo had made sure to put a pack of batteries in the bottom of the wrapping.</p><p>        Suddenly, Mark hugged him. They were sitting on the floor of Mark’s dorm, and it wasn’t an easy position to hug one another in, but Eduardo was too happy to mind the twist in his back. He tried not to hold on too tight, but Mark didn’t seem to plan on letting go any time soon, so Eduardo just let himself savor the feeling.</p><p>        And then it was over, as quickly as it had started, Mark pushing out of the hug to stand up and rummage through a box of miscellaneous things he hadn’t found a good place for in his room yet.</p><p>        “What the hell are you looking for, Mark? You don't have to find something to give me, you know."</p><p>        "I know my mom put a menorah in here somewhere. She wants me to celebrate even when I can't be home with her. " He was looking through a second, smaller box of chachkies**** on a lower shelf now, and Eduardo was trying very hard to not stare at his best friend's ass.</p><p>        "Found it!" he announced triumphantly, holding up what looked like a battered wooden block.</p><p>        "What the fuck is that?" Eduardo asked.</p><p>        "A menorah," Mark replied, holding it out so Eduardo could see the washers affixed to the top side of the block. “We made them in like, pre K at the temple. I know it looks like shit, but its what we’ve got, and it's got the bare necessities to be a menorah.”</p><p>        “Yeah, I can see that,” Eduardo said, half-sarcastic. “It’s cute that your mom kept it all this time.” He paused, trying to make sure the next words didn’t come out bitter. “And it’s sweet that she sent you here with it. She really loves you, man. That’s so nice.”</p><p>        Mark looked at him with what Eduardo would almost call a wistful expression. “I dunno man, it’s just a menorah.”</p><p>        “Yeah, yeah. Of course.” Eduardo smiled sadly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>        They had to go buy the candles. The local dollar store had a few very dusty packs left, but it wasn't like they were going for fancy anyways. When they got back to Mark's dorm they were both shivering slightly from the cold outside.</p><p>        "Do you think it'll snow?" Eduardo wondered.</p><p>        "It smells like it," Mark replied.</p><p>        "What?" Eduardo said, very sincerely bewildered.</p><p>        "You know, like how you can smell it in the air before it rains? Same thing goes for snow," he looked over to see Eduardo staring at him completely lost. "I don’t know man, I grew up in New York. It smells like it's gonna snow! It just does!"</p><p>        "Ye- yeah, I'll take your word for it, dude," Eduardo looked at the little yellow box in his hand. "How many should we do?"</p><p>        "Eight, right? Like it's sort of like the last night, I guess."</p><p>        "Are we gonna, like, say the prayer?"</p><p>        "Do you remember it at all?"</p><p>        "... No."</p><p>        "Me either." They both started laughing uncontrollably.</p><p>"What the hell are we even doing, Wardo?" Mark asked through the laughter.</p><p>        "I don't fucking know, it was your idea, dude!" Eduardo said between bouts of it. He sat down on Mark's spinny chair.</p><p>        Mark leaned against the wall by the door, catching his breath from the cold and the joy. He could feel the sweater hooking on the imperfections in the wall's surface. "I'm gonna light it anyways. We went outside for the candles, we may as well put them to use." He walked over to the table and struck a match. Eduardo swiveled up behind him.</p><p>        "Okay." He stood up and turned off the lights, walking back to stand behind Mark, who was already holding the lit shamash***. He put his hand over Mark's, trying to maintain a reasonable distance between their bodies. Mark didn't react, didn't tense, or say anything. He just let Eduardo guide his hand from right to left over each candle, until all eight were burning tall, and Eduardo let out a breath he had been holding. It was nice, being close. Being alone together, doing what families, couples, did. It was okay, Eduardo thought, to linger in the fantasy for a moment.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>        They were sitting on the couch, eating Chinese takeout***** straight from the plastic containers. Home Alone was on, as part of some Christmas movie marathon on some major channel. It was funny and made for good background noise while the two friends talked lazily about girls and school and summer camp. By the end of Home Alone 2, Mark was asleep with his head on Eduardo’s shoulder. He looked out the window and saw it was snowing lightly.</p><p>        "You were right," he said softly. Eduardo was happy, mostly. He was happy except for the underlying ache of the missing bit. Mostly happy was still pretty good, he thought, as he let himself slip into unconsciousness with his best friend beside him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>        <strong>Glossary of culture/terms!</strong></p><p>        *I am writing them as nonpracticing, nonobservant Jewish atheists, who probably would not censor the o in G-d, but I am more observant than them and do censor it. Direct versions/names for G-d are considered holy, and destroying a written name of G-d is disrespectful, so we preemptively censor it to avoid it being destroyed. Adonai (an honorific) and "Yahweh" (a placeholder transliterated from Hebrew יהוה) are also common for the same reason that the o is dropped or censored - so that no true version of G-d’s name is ever destroyed.</p><p>        **Chanukah can be spelled any number of ways with a Ch, H, one or two ns, one or two ks, an h at the end, or just an a. Its translated from a language with a different alphabet, and so there’s no real Proper spelling of it. It lasts 8 days, as do Sukkot and Passover. It also happens based on the Jewish calendar, which does not consistently line up with the gregorian calendar, so it’s not unusual for nonobservant jews to not know when holidays are. In 2013 it was unusually early and fell on Thanksgiving, which won't happen again for another 77,798 years.</p><p>        *** Menorahs are the sort of candelabra things used during Chanukah. The Talmudic (from the Torah) story and miracle Chanukah commemorates is one night's worth of oil lasting eight during a sacking of Jerusalem. Menorahs have spaces for 9 candles, one for each night of the miracle and one to light the others, called the shamash. The shamash is lit with a match or lighter, and then taken out of the menorah and used to light the other candles while a prayer is said. One candle is lit on the first night, two on the second, and so on until every slot is filled on the last night. It is traditional to let the candles burn down completely each night and to light them from right to left, the same direction Hebrew is read in.</p><p>        **** Chachkies is a Yiddish word for little trinkets. I just think its a fun word.</p><p>        ***** Chinese food on Christmas is a reform/agnostic Jewish tradition as Chinese restaurants are often the only ones open on Christmas Day. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>to be clear i am jewish and have been both practicing and agnostic. if u take issue w the idea that they would celebrate late chanukah on christmas. i cant stop u but like. my family has done that with passover more than once.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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